she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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