Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
