He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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