I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
