I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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