You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
