i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
