Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
