You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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