I want to walk on stilts...naked
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
