Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Farmville is her only friend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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