boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
