My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
