I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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