I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize