I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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