I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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