I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
