it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
