whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
