its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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