He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
