Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
