I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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