I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
