You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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