I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
