somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize