4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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