just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everyone says I win the strip club
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
