i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
