I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
