talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
