On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
