sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
