i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
