I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
