I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
