Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
