I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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