just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
