So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
