I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
