Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
