You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize