There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
