: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize