It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
