just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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