Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
