I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
