yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
