Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
operation harelip BJ is a go
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
