I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
