Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
