weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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