We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
