nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
