Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
