I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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