why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
