I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
